I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
