is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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