i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
4 words: hood of his car
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
