omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
