Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I could fuck to npr.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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