OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
