She's JV to your varsity
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
