He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
