i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
