I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
