Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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