I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
