You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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