My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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