I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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