watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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