So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
