I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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