U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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