I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
