she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
