I am puke
Sponge bath it is.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
