I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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