Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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