I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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