yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
