Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
