That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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