we have officially lost it.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize