i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
