I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
