I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
