life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
