I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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