Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize