now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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