youre lurking in front of me
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
