So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
