Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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