Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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