Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize