I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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