I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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