well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
