Pregnant stripper...not hot.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
