I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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