told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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