she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize