it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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