We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
