I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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