How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
