She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
