Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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