Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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