he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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