I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
