The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I understand Curling. That high.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
