i need an iv and a liver transplant
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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