I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
