We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
