I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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