she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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