Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
