I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
