I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
