am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
