i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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