All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
