i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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