the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
